Leash: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling
you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
Dog Bed: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white
bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered
couch in the living room.
Drool: A liquid which, when combined with sad eyes,
forces humans to give you their food. To do this
properly you must sit as close as you can and get
the drool on the human.
Sniff: A social custom used to greet other dogs,
similar to the human exchange of business cards.
Garbage Can: A container which your neighbors put out
once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on
your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your
nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with
margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume
and moldy crusts of bread.
Bicycles: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented
for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic
benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out,
bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the
person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and
you prance away.
Deafness: This is a malady which affects dogs when
their person wants them in and they want to stay out.
Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then
running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
Thunder: This is a signal that the world is coming
to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during
thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of
the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting,
rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their
heels.
Wastebasket: This is a dog toy filled with paper,
envelopes, and old candy wrappers. It is important
to evenly distribute its contents throughout the
house before your person comes home.
Bath: If you find something especially good to roll
in, humans get jealous and use this degrading form
of torture to get even. Be sure to shake only when
next to a person or a piece of furniture.
Lean: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!",
especially if your person is dressed for an evening
out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
Bump: The best way to get your human's attention when
they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
Goose Bump: A maneuver to use as a last resort when
the regular Bump doesn't get the attention you need
... especially effective when combined with The Sniff.
See above.
Children: Short humans of optimal petting height.
Standing close to one assures some good petting.
When running they are good to chase. If they fall
down, they are comfortable to sit on.
Love: A feeling of intense affection, given freely
and without restriction. The best way you can show
your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a
human will love you in return.
| 
The Pet Friendly Canada Newsletter
